Not Quite a Satire

Our English instructor wanted us to write a satire – mine isn’t really a satire I guess. Oh well. I tried.


Passing the Pence Amendment would result in cutting all federal funding to the Planned Parenthood program and parts of Women Infants and Children (WIC). Planned Parenthood takes the public’s tax dollars and funds cancer screenings, STD screenings, pregnancy testings, and contraceptives for the lower class. Over a million people take advantage of this program to receive healthcare. The Pence Amendment would stop this and put America’s tax dollars elsewhere.

The only people needing to know if they have cancer are the ones that would be able to afford the treatment. A person taking advantage of the public’s hard earned tax dollars to find out whether or not he/she has cancer obviously does not have the funds to afford expensive cancer treatments. Telling a person that he/she has cancer would simply stress that person out. Allowing a person to die without knowing what is happening would save that individual the sorrow of knowing what is coming. Cutting free cancer screenings would save tax dollars of the people that actually work and sorrow for the people that do not work.

Giving out free STD screenings is a huge flaw in today’s society. People only get STDs from having sexual relations with multiple partners or from homosexual activity. If a person is ready to engage in these lude acts and not be able to afford the consequences, they do not deserve to be apart of this society. STDs are punishments for raunchy lifestyles and nobody should be allowed to use the tax dollars of good hearted, red blooded, hard working Americans to learn what disease they caught.

Pregnancy is a serious issue in this country and should be seen that way. The only type of woman that should be having a baby is a married one. If a woman wants to engage in intercourse out of wedlock, then she should endure every consequence that comes along with it. Contraceptives are given out for free every day and America’s tax dollars pays for it. If a young woman wants to have sex out of wedlock she should not be handed contraceptives by her government. Let her have that child and if she can not afford it then she will be free to apply for Medicaid, Welfare, and Food Stamps. If she will refuse to do that and still have sex then she will be free to go pay and abort the pregnancy. If people want to have sex then the responsibilities of babies should come along with it.

WIC provides lower class women with the funds to buy certain food needed to have a healthy pregnancy and healthy children. A woman should not get pregnant if she cannot afford a child. If a woman does not have the money to buy the nutrients necessary then unborn children and young children do not deserve them. People in the lower class are there because they do not care to work hard enough to be anywhere else. This country’s tax dollars should not go to helping lazy people raise their kids.

Passing the Pence Amendment would be the best thing this country could do. The morals America was built on are crumbling. The Pence Amendment would support good morals and stop providing women with ways to have “safe sex” out of wedlock. The only sex that if safe sex is married sex. America needs to rebuilt and the Pence Amendment would do just that.



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